A Runner’s Train of Thoughts
Diary of a Half Marathon
As we walked back to the car after half marathon #28, the sun slowing beginning to warm the air around us, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as I recalled the outrageous number of thoughts that had cycled through my mind during the hour and a half I was running. When you’re running, for any amount of time, you inevitably find your mind wandering to people, places, basically ANYTHING to keep your mind off the moment, off the negative thought train. You know, the one telling you that you’re tired, out of breath, maybe hot, probably too cold, your legs definitely hurt, your head hurts, wait, everything hurts.
Now, that train might not be so bad when you’re running a mile, two miles, even three miles, but… when you’re running 13!? Boy. Does your mind go some funny places to avoid that taking that train. Like… really funny places….
The Starting Line
Oh God. Where do I stand? Right here, okay, cool. This is my spot. Perfect. This person is way too freaking close to me. And how does he already smell? We haven’t even started running yet. Oh wait. Is that me who smells? No. Ok. It’s not me… yet. I am definitely going to smell by the time this race is over. Ew. But. Maybe it will be worth it. Maybe I’ll win. Or not. Maybe I’ll be last. No. Ok. You won’t be last. That won’t happen. Stop thinking that. When the hell is this thing going to start anyways? And WHY IS THIS PERSON SO DAMN CLOSE TO ME AGAIN? Should I move up? Maybe I’m faster than that girl. Or maybe not. Maybe she’ll pass me and I’ll look like an idiot. Ok. I’ll just stay here. OH SHIT. HERE WE GO.
The First Mile
Alright. This isn’t so bad. This is great! I’m not even cold anymore. I am on top of the fucking world. I might even win this whole thing. Wouldn’t that be fucking sweet? Oh shit. She passed me. Ok. Just one girl. No big deal. WTF ANOTHER ONE?! Ok. These people are NOT messing around. I need to go faster. NO. I can’t. Remember that time you completely overexerted yourself and then died at the end? Yeah. You hated that. Especially when they tried to force you into that ambulance after you made a joke about the defibrillator looking like a boombox. I mean, it did look like a boombox. Don’t do that again. You’re fine. Just run your race. It’s literally the first mile. You have 12 more to make it up. These people are so dang fast though. What the heck did they eat for breakfast? OHHHH I’m gonna pass you, HAHA! Sucker. I’m cruising now. What?! Mile 2? God I feel like I’ve been running forever.
Alright. Mile 2. We got this. We are feeling good. Let’s just keep this going. Wait. What is that pain in my side? Is that going to get worse? Oh great. At least I have that to look forward to. No. You need to stay positive. Do not start thinking about the end yet. We literally just started. At least you’re not dying yet. Remember that race in Arizona? Yeah. Nothing is worse than that. At least I didn’t get high last night. At least I’m not high right now. Yeah. I’m feeling good! This is great. Okay. Let’s focus on our pace. Should I look at my watch and check how fast I’m going? No. Let’s just run our race and see what happens. But. Also. Maybe I should look at my watch and just check. No. No Amy. Oh a dog!! That store looks nice. I wish I had enough money to shop there. An ice cream store! Yes. I can totally afford that. What was the name? Shit. It’s gone now. Oh well. Alright. Let’s re-focus. FOCUS AMY. Just one foot in front of the other. We got this. I CAN DO IT.
THIS IS TAKING FOREVER. My legs hurt. Everything freaking hurts. I feel like I am going so slow what the hell is happening here. I don’t care about that dog. Ok. Maybe I do a little bit. Aw. Look at that. A little girl holding a sign. I should give her a high five. But that would mean having to take several extra steps. I’m not doing it. But she’s so stinking cute. Ok fine fine fine, DO IT AMY. YES. So glad I did that. You are such a good person. Okay gotta get my head back in the game here. What’s my pace? Oh. Wait. That pace is actually pretty good. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m dying right now, I’d be super pumped about that. TWO MORE MILES OH MY GOSH. Ok. Let’s just slow down and then go faster for the last two miles.
THE END IS NEAR!
I’m ALMOST THERE. I can do it. I am on fire. SHIT he passed me. I need to pick up the pace here. How much further is it? Shit I really have to pee. Okay just one more mile. I CAN DO IT. Maybe I should go faster. SHIT what is that pain in my side?! Ok. Don’t go faster. Just relax for now until you get a little closer. But everyone else around you is picking up speed, you HAVE to go faster. OH MY GOSH THERE’S THE FINISH LINE. I wonder where my mom is. I should smile. I can’t smile, I’m too tired. Okay let’s just sprint this final stretch. One. Two. Three. GO. HI MOM!!!!!!! Finally. I’m done. That was amazing.